It’s a Mad Mission… Sign Me Up

I have been passionate about treatment of young people in society and church since I was in junior high school. I promise I won’t write every post about young people, but it seems to be where I’ve been wanting to go lately.

This letter was published in “Dear Abby” on June 30, 2008.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. I don’t get angry often, but when I do my parents disregard it by calling me a “hormonal teenager.” They say things like, “She’s such a CHARMING 14-year-old” and “There are hormones raging.” I find their comments hurtful and degrading.

Please don’t misunderstand. My parents are usually nice, but when something bothers me they automatically resort to the above comments. I personally believe I am pretty good at handling and expressing my emotions calmly. It just seems that my parents don’t consider the credibility of my emotions and blame them on my being a teen. Is it wrong for them to say these things? What should I do when they say them? — DISREGARDED IN OREGON

DEAR DISREGARDED: No one of any age wants to feel patronized, and that goes for people from 13 to 93. (And, interestingly, it happens to people from both ends of the spectrum.) If your parents want to exchange comments like the ones you mentioned, it would be better if they did so in private. However, if they are saying things like, “She’s such a charming 14-year-old,” it may be a clue to the fact that you’re acting like anything BUT — and perhaps you should find a more mature and controlled way of expressing your emotions.

Sarcastic and humorous comments about teenagers are remarkably common. In this case they were directed towards an individual, probably in frustration, although it is hard to tell. Other times they function as a means of forming bonds between two or more parents. One person makes a joking comment about teenagers, those hearing laugh, and the two are brought closer together by the shared understanding. I have observed it in conversation, job interviews, and even from the pulpit.

I’m going to speak prophetically and say that such behavior in most situations is sinful. Whatever is gained by making those kind of comments is more than offset by the demeaning effect of those comments on young people, whether or not young people are in fact present. When young people are present it is especially demeaning. Individuals find it “hurtful and degrading” as Disregarded put it in the letter. Comments like that dehumanize the subject of the comment. A person ceases to be “Sally” they are a “CHARMING (read “whiny” or alternatively “bitch of a”) 14-year-old.” They aren’t experiencing legitimized feelings like anger or sadness, but rather they are “hormonal”. If indeed the response of the teenager is inappropriate and influenced by changes in the body, the teenager may well know it and the sarcastic comments about hormones only increase the shame and the feeling of powerlessness.

Generic comments about teenagers are every bit as demeaning. In the case of jokes, community is built among the old at the expense of the young. They only increase the gulf between young and old that we have constructed in society. This is true whether or not teenagers are present. The understanding that these kind of comments build is artificial. Rather than sharing frustrations with being a parent of teenagers (which I acknowledge are often many) with other parents to build real understanding and gain real insight and comfort, people make throw-away comments that demean all teenagers, their children especially.

The presence of these kind of comments in the Church of Jesus Christ are unconscionable. They do not glorify God. They tear apart the body of Christ of which all people young and old are essential. When made from the pulpit, I can say from experience, they alienate the young from worship.

The point of this is not to deny that parenting teenagers isn’t frustrating. I obviously have no direct experience in that regard, but I have every confidence that is the case. The point is to condemn speech that is unproductive and harmful, that demeans the humanity of an individual and group of people for some temporary relief of frustration or a laugh.

So to answer the two questions that “Disregarded” asked and Abby rather condescendingly neglected to answer:

DEAR DISREGARDED: Yes, it is absolutely wrong of them to say those things. They fail to address you anger or what makes you angry while demeaning you and your feelings in the process. Further, those kind of sarcastic comments are not productive, whether you hear them or not. Next time this happens you should wait until both you and your parents cool down and talk to them honestly about how those kind of words make you feel. Whether you are 8, 14, 21, 35, 50, or older, an open, honest, and respectful relationship with your parents is a great thing to cultivate.

Peace,

Luke

Mike is the Associate General Secretary of the Division on Ministries with Young People of the General Board of Discipleship and a friend of mine. His mother, Carolyn Aldridge died in an accidental drowning while she, Mike, and Mike’s wife Lynn were on a mission trip in Belize.

This is the GBOD press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Mother of Young People’s Leader Dies in Tragic Accident

NASHVILLE, Tenn., July 1, 2008 /GBOD/ –Carolyn Aldridge, mother of the Rev. Michael Ratliff , died Monday while on a mission trip in Belize with Ratliff and his wife Lynn.

Aldridge, of Waycross , Ga. , lost her life in an accidental drowning.  According to unconfirmed news reports from a Belize-based radio station, Mrs. Aldridge was in a Jeep Cherokee that rolled from its parked location into the nearby flooded San Jacinto River .  The river was believed to be over 20 feet deep.

“We are deeply saddened by Mrs. Carolyn Aldridge’s tragic death. We ask for prayers for Mike and Lynn, their family and all others impacted by this devastating news,” said the Rev. Karen Greenwaldt , top executive for the General Board of Discipleship (GBOD).

Ratliff, the associate general secretary for GBOD’s Division on Ministries with Young People, and his wife and mother were part of a volunteer mission team assisting with service projects in Punta Gorda.

GBOD’s mission is to support annual conference and local church leaders for their task of equipping world-changing disciples. An agency of The United Methodist Church, GBOD is located at 1908 Grand Ave.   in Nashville , Tenn. Visit www.gbod.org for more information or call the Media Relations Office toll free at (877) 899-2780, Ext. 7017.

A commenter to the aforementioned post on young people and annual conference by Bishop Willimon made the following comment:

Dear Bishop,
I am well aware of your policy of discouraging the trend of second career folk entering ministry. I was sitting in a United Methodist Men’s retreat day in Baton Rouge where you were the guest speaker and you said as much. I had just experienced the call to ministry and was so excited. I had already applied to a Methodist seminary with which you were associated. Funny, I didn’t think you could possibly be speaking to me. I was only thirty six years old.

Thank God, when I was denied admission to your school, I picked myself up and reapplied to a school just south of there. Now, I’m a member in full connection in another annual conference. I serve on a district board of ordained ministry. I’ve mentored people of all ages as they discern their own call into ministry. I’ve pointed young people to the ministry beginning with their confirmation experience. I’ve worked with older youth and young adults getting them acquainted with district and conference ministries in hopes that ordained ministry would be in their career sights.

I’m an old forty nine years old now. I’ve served churches for the past twelve years. Nobody I know expects to retire before seventy. My thirty-plus years of ministry will only be richer and more fruitful because of my experiences in a first career.

Thank the Lord, I didn’t let you tell me no.

Whew! Praise God for the ministry of this fellow and praise God for the ministry of Bishop Willimon! Isn’t it  nice to be able to do both? I’m not in the least bit interested in judging either Bishop Willimon or his anonymous commenter because even if I did know intimately about the commenter’s situation and what Bishop Willimon tends to advocate, I wouldn’t be qualified.

I think I can safely opine though that this post can be seen as an indicator of what turns into a false dichotomy between encouraging the young to answer their call and discouraging the old from doing the same. While Bishop Willimon’s comments in particular may have affected the anonymous comment greatly, they probably weren’t the only affront that he has felt given his response to Willimon’s post that didn’t even deal with this issue explicitly.

Age and sensitivity to age is such a peculiar thing. People don’t like to be considered old. Inevitably discussions about connectional young adult ministry for example turn to age definitions. About the time somebody turns 31, they start to think that we should be defining young adult ministry as including through age 35 or 40. They are often vehement. At those moments I have trouble believing that it is about a missional imperative so much as it is about individual vanity or more charitably a reaction to the culture. I think that the age definition issue as well as the encouraging young/discouraging old dichotomy are symptoms of a very real “cult of youth” that is present in society. The overvaluing of young in the culture (but undervaluing in decision-making structures in society) can make it sound like someone who is encouraging young people in particular to go into ministry is discouraging old people.

We don’t have the luxury in the church to to discourage older people from answering their call to ministry. There is something unfaithful and disrespectful about it. First of all, we need to be taking everybody’s calls seriously, period. Second of all, it can be argued that second-career folks have bailed out a church that has done a poor job of encouraging younger people to go into the ministry. Based on my relatively limited experience though, we haven’t been discouraging older people from answering their calls. There have been more than one second-career pastor on the cabinet in Kansas East in the past few years. They are getting some of our more challenging appointments and doing wonderful ministry there. Other professional experiences can be a great asset to pastoral ministry and I think that the church has recognized that.

At the same time, we can’t afford to go the other way. It is vitally important to help people recognize their calls as young people and fulfill them. It is vital to our leadership development, it is vital to our efforts to attract new people to the church, and frankly it is vital to our pension and health insurance funds. Leaders in the church need to consider the unique gifts that a younger person might bring to the ministries of some of our medium to large churches. An attitude of “paying your dues” and “moving up the ladder” is not scriptural, nor is it missionally essential, much less advisable. Gaining experience is important, don’t get me wrong and no pastor, young or old, should feel entitled to a certain kind of appointment. That said, I think it is possible that young clergy with some creative mentoring and assistance could bring a breath of fresh air into our congregations that may just be coasting.

I think that our efforts to encourage young people to pursue ordained ministry and to take a greater role in the work of the church have been right on the money. We have identified the lack of young clergy as a problem and are seeking to address it. We can not do this at the expense of older persons who have discerned a call, but I don’t believe we are doing so. Let us boldly go forward challenging all people, young and old, to answer the call that God has put on their lives (and I’m not just talking about ordained ministry) in the interest of making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world!

Peace,

Luke

I just couldn’t resist the title. I hope some of you appreciate Raffi. Here are some cute kids on youtube doing the song I’m referencing.

Bishop Willimon has posted recently about “empowering a new generation of United Methodist leaders” and I want to address what he said there in this post and then write in the next post a little about what one of his commenters said.

His post contained the text of letter from Dorothy, a pastor in his conference telling him about the great experience that a couple of younger people had at the annual conference session and the great leadership and hope they offer the church. Then, he issues a challenge, or perhaps a mandate:

Dorothy’s story is far from unique. This is what happens when we really focus ourselves upon the priority of a new generation of Christians. I’m recommending that next year our entire Annual Conference be focused upon the single priority of empowering a new generation, that any reports be made exclusively by those under forty, and that every church send lay delegates who are all under forty. Jenny and Izy (the two people Dorothy refered to) are in every congregation. We must notice them, nurture them, and empower them for God to use them in giving our church a future. By God’s grace, we will!

My first thought is, wow that’s a gutsy challenge. There is some firmly entrenched power that this comes up against. It is clearly an ambitious and probably idealistic goal, but if you’re going to cast a vision, make it bold, right? If I recall, Bishop Willimon has taken other steps to try to encourage young people to come to Annual Conference by shortening the session and moving it over a weekend. I’m sure he knows that not every church will send someone under forty, but if even half or a quarter did, the change would be monumental.I say the change would be monumental because the simple presence of younger people is such a powerful thing in an annual conference.

I have absolutely seen the effect of young people in meaningful leadership in an annual conference. When lay people see competent, confident young people in leadership they are energized. They are excited by the present and see that the future is in good hands. It transforms clergy attitudes. I’ve seen a clergywoman in our conference go from skeptical about and maybe even threatened by young people who didn’t want to “pay their dues” or acknowledge experience, to being thrilled about going forward into the future in partnership.

Now, this is just the first step, and I’m sure Bishop Willimon knows that. There is more to meaningful leadership in the annual conference than attending the session once a year. It is important to engage younger people in the real mission and ministry of the conference. The next step is finding younger people in the church who are passionate about making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world with gifts for administration, and passion for missions or campus ministry, and inviting them into the committees, equipping them as necessary and watching the transformation begin. In my mind, young people in leadership is by definition transformative. We are failing to be the church for all ages when certain people aren’t in leadership. Additionally, young people can bring the new and add it to the best of the old so that the church can be in more vibrant, effective ministry.

Beth Quick has commented on this post already and she asks some good questions and her commenters make some good comments.

Obviously this is much more challenging than I’ve made it sound. I am the first person to acknowledge the difficulty of getting young people to commit to coming to meetings. There are a myriad of issues around this that I may get to blogging about one day.

What do you think? Should the lay people who have been coming to your annual conference for 30 years keep coming? Are the young punks too uppity? Do they need to pay their dues?

-Luke

I’ve decided to make a disciplined effort to blog on a regular basis. There are a few reasons for this: I have to keep a daily journal at General Conference for my “General Conference Study Trip” course at Candler/Emory, I am opinionated, and I need to get over my fear of making public written statements. In the past blogging has been unsuccessful because I was uncomfortable having my thoughts out there for everyone to see. I didn’t want to be seen as foolish or wrong. That isn’t going to cut it any more.

During General Conference this is going to be contain my reflections and thoughts about each day. After General Conference it will contain my thoughts about life, education, Church, etc.

The title is a reference to the song “Mad Mission” by Patty Griffin.

It’s a mad mission
Under difficult conditions
not everybody makes it
To the loving cup
It’s a mad mission
But I got the ambition
Mad, mad mission
sign me up

For me, it speaks to the vocational journey that I’m beginning, and the nature of life in general. The title, like everything about this blog is subject to change.

I’ll post an introduction here in a few days.

-Luke